Think Your Marketing Should Actually Make Money? Weird Concept, We Know.
Look, we get it. You've heard marketing promises before. "Brand awareness." "Engagement." "Top of funnel." All the feel good fluff that doesn't pay your bills.
Here's the thing: We don't do feel good fluff.
The Deal: Work with us for 12 months. If you don't generate at least 10x your investment in cold, hard, trackable revenue, we'll refund up to 3 months of fees. No questions asked.
You invest $6,000 annually ($499/month)? We guarantee you'll see at least $60,000 in revenue directly tied to your newsletters. Or we write you a check.
But Here's the Catch (Because There's Always a Catch)
We don't work with everyone. You need to qualify:
We're not talking about "influenced revenue" or "brand lift" or whatever made-up metrics your last agency sold you. We mean:
Marketing strategy that actually drives sales (not just "engagement") plus:
Count the money (welcome to the McDuck Family) plus:
1) Annual Revenue: $2M+ (If you're not there yet, call us when you are)
2) Email List: At least 3,000 engaged subscribers (5,000+ makes us even happier)
3) Deal Size: Average customer transaction of $1,000+
4) Tracking: CRM or analytics that can actually track sales (Revolutionary concept, we know)
What Counts as "Real Revenue" (Not Marketing Fantasy Land)
1) Sales from newsletter links (tracked via UTM or CRM)
2) Landing page conversions from newsletter traffic
3) Direct inquiries that started with a newsletter
What We Do
1) Writing that people want to read (imagine that)
2) Design that doesn't suck
3) Distribution that gets opened
4) Tracking that shows exactly where every dollar came from
What You Do
1) Provide the offers
2) Close the deals your sales team gets from our newsletters
3) Join the club
4) Get on camera (if that’s your thing)
Why We Can Make This Guarantee
Simple. We've done this before. Our average client sees 15x ROI. We're so confident in our process that we're willing to bet our own fees on it.
Most agencies won't do this because they know their marketing doesn't actually work. We do it because we know ours does.
Ready to Stop Gambling With Your Marketing Budget?
If you meet our criteria and you're tired of marketing that doesn't pay for itself, let's talk.
If you're still sending those inauthentic newsletters that nobody reads or shipping nothing at all, keep doing that. We're sure it'll work out eventually.